This was an incredibly hard post for me to write. I’ve been writing, deleting and rewriting since Monday afternoon. And you know the funny thing about blogging…? Within these 3 days, I feel like my answer’s made clearer because I’ve had so much time to reflect on the subject matter. Hmmm…
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On Monday, I tweeted about friendship breakups.
And I immediately got a plethora of replies:
(replies not pictured)
Thank you all very much for your insightful replies. You really got me thinking….
And now you (along with everyone else that saw the tweet) are all wondering what made me ask that question.
I’m a type of person that does not take the word “friendship” very lightly. I think some sort of work has to be put into friendships in order for them to truly be substantial. There are no “easy” friendships – those are called acquaintances. Most importantly, friendships are two-way streets. I tend to look at my friendships with people in the same way I look at all relationships. That is, if there’s a conflict, you can choose to work it out together until it’s solved and then you can move on with a stronger friendship or one or both of you can decide it’s not worth it anymore and you can leave.
But what happens when the other person doesn’t know there’s a conflict? If they’ve done (or have been continuously doing) something to either hurt you or is generally not looking out for your best interest, should you tell them? Or should you just make the decision on your own to cut them off and end the friendship without their knowledge?
I’ve always followed through on this “rule” and have cut off people actively for various personal reasons. I’ve always known that friendship break-ups were necessary (and I’ve been both the breaker-upper & breaker-uppee). But then you get to that one person that you have trouble deciding on.……
The solution, in my opinion, is simple. If you were to cut off all communications and interactions with that person, will you lose any sleep over it?
If you will, figure out why you feel so strongly about that person, and just be up front with how you feel about it, talk to them about it, and follow your instincts.
If not, well, chop chop.
Such a hard question but such a great post!
I’m the kind of girl who finds it SO unbelievably hard to cut friendships. But your heart always knows which way you should be going. So, I follow my heart with every decision I make because I’m a “wear my heart on my sleeve” kind of gal.
Being older , but no wiser than you I have also had my share of friendship issues. A wise woman summed up friends with this saying ” friends for a reason, friends for a season or friends for life”. You are very right to see that sometimes people hurt you and are not fully aware of it’s effect on you and vise versa. How about being honest and forgiving. A true friend is willing to be hurt to save the friend. Just don,t loose your self-respect in the process.
Good luck Maria
Jim
If you were such good friends, why were they unaware there was a problem of that magnitude?
Hi Max!
Great question! Honestly, before bringing up the problem, there is no way of knowing if the other person is aware of the problem or not. Thee person could very well be aware of it, but (just like me), he or she didn’t know whether to bring it up or not. Over the years, I have learned not to assume that the other person knows what’s on my mind. Thanks for your input!